One of the things I love the most about teaching is the fact that each new semester brings a clean slate of sorts.  I say goodbye to old classes and begin teaching new ones, and I have the opportunity to try new things and re-invent myself.  I don’t know that I fully embrace this, but this semester, I really want to.  I need to.

I haven’t had the best attitude lately, and I need to turn this around.  I was thinking recently about how unhappy I have been and how disconnected I have felt, and I know that it’s all my own doing and that only I have the power to change things.  There is no reason why I shouldn’t feel confident in what I am doing.  I don’t know that I would go so far as to wake up every morning and look in the mirror and tell myself how wonderful I am, but I have to shake these feelings of insecurity and inferiority that I have.  It’s just not healthy and it’s taking a toll.  It’s a big waste of my energy.

Something about today made me snap back to reality and realize the many exciting things going on in my life now that I should embrace.  I’m teaching a new online course this spring and I have no idea how it will go.  In a strange way, this excites me and energizes me.  I’m helping to organize an online conference and I have no idea how that will go either, but this too is exciting.  Our weather has been wonderful lately (temperatures near 50 today!) and I am reminded that spring will be here before I know it and I can get back on my bike and take the long bike rides that I love.  This excites me.  Also, Chad and I are making some progress on our many home renovations, and I know great things will come of that and we’ll eventually have our dream house.  This too is exciting.

I recently posted some things on Facebook that I want to print out and look at every day just so I’m reminded of what’s important in life.  One of the things I posted said “Be so happy that when others look at you they become happy too.”  I want to smile more and be more energetic.  I also posted something that said “Laugh when you can.  Apologize when you should.  And let go of what you can’t change.”  I don’t laugh enough, I apologize way too much, and I hold on to things that I have no control over.  I worry without being proactive. This is not how the Michelle Everson of 2012 is going to be.

After all, I’m a honey badger and I don’t care.